I held my daughter for five minutes as she cried this morning. This has become our new normal.
I have watched my kids fall apart for three weeks now. Fall apart, pick themselves back up, fall apart again. This has been the vicious cycle. People always say, "kids are so resilient," but I have questioned how much resilience they could possibly have, and as soon as I question that, they say something out of their child-like faith that completely blows me away.
Kids really are resilient.
Very few times in my life, have I ever truly sat back and thought, LIFE IS NOT FAIR. And now I sit here, writing those words out, feeling it, that life is NOT fair. I don't feel that way all the time. Just mostly when I watch my kids handle big emotions. Emotions that most adults don't even deal with well. I try hard to help carry them, love them and listen to them. Some emotions come out in anger. Some come through as anxiety or fear. Others are just tears that seem to be never ending.
Now don't judge me for saying this, because I'm being super transparent, but it is all exhausting to be quite honest. For them, and for me.
With that being said, I am thankful for my faith in a God who I know will carry our burdens when we can't carry our own. I am thankful for a God who has shown up in the darkest of places and revealed himself not just to me, but to my children. I am thankful for a God who knows the beginning, middle and end of our lives here on this earth, because without that God, I don't know where we would be. It's really all we've had left to cling to.
In the midst of this grief, I wanted to share something with you that I hope will help you see Jesus in your situation.
A few days ago Sydnee and I were driving and listening to the song "Way Maker." She sings this song with so much passion that I could put it on repeat and just listen to her sing her heart out for Jesus and be completely fulfilled. During an instrumental in the song, right before my favorite part, Sydnee says, "hey mommy. Did you know that my daddy told me that you can worship Jesus anywhere? So I'm glad that you and I can worship Jesus in the car."
WOW. This sweet 9 year old girl, who's just lost her daddy is sharing her faith with me.
{WITH ME}, her mom who is supposed to be the one engraining this into her little life.
That my friends is what I call experiencing a God moment.
The song goes on to say,
"Even when I don't see it, you're working
and even when I don't feel it, you're working.
You never stop, you never stop working,
you never stop, you never stop working."
God is always working. When we feel like life is not fair, He's working. When we feel like we can't handle the emotions anymore, He's working. When the loneliness creeps in and the darkness seems to overtake us, He's working. I only know this to be true because I've experienced it. My kids are experiencing it. But His blessings, His promises and His vision for our future may not always jump out at us. Sometimes we have to find it, seek it and remember back to what He has promised.
Your current circumstance may seem like it will never get better, but I promise it will. I always have been reminded that God grows us the most in the valley. The valley is a place where the river feeds the plants and animals. It waters the hills and the mountains. It has beautiful green pastures. It's simply full of life. Today, rather than picturing your valley as a place to die, remember that God can do his best work in the valleys of our life.
These kids: Noah, Elijah and Sydnee, they are all being grown and cultivated in the valley. Is it comfortable? No. Do we always want to go through the hard times of the valley? No. But I know, and they know, their dad would be proud of how they're handling the valley, because all he ever could have hoped for them, was that in hard times, they lean on Jesus.
So here we are, taking on this new normal that lies ahead. Living in our current valley situation. Standing on the promise that God will never leave us alone there.
And even when we don't see Him, we know He's always working.
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