Have you ever felt a fear so strong that it literally took your breath away?
I have been there my friend. For the last several weeks I have walked that fine line between faith and fear.
When I was away for the weekend, I saw a woman wearing one of those "faith over fear" shirts and I instantly thought to myself, pshhht, "yeah lady, tell that to the person who has cancer, or just lost a loved one, or the individual dealing with a mental health illness so dark that they don't even remember what faith looks like." But then, I had to correct myself. I couldn't believe how I was triggered in such a negative way over something as silly as a saying on a t-shirt.
I've been pondering what happened that day. This whole year I have not lost faith. Not once.
I have felt many other emotions but I NEVER questioned God's plan in it all.
So why now? Why all the sudden am I struggling?
It occurred to me that I've been so busy worrying about what other people think I should be focusing on that I completely lost sight of what God wanted me to focus on. My FAITH in HIM.
It smacked me so hard in the face tonight as I laid in bed, mind circling around a million and one thoughts at 12:23 am. Anxiety raging as I prayed to God that He would heal me so I could raise my kids, see them go to college, watch them get married and have babies of their own.
Then there it was, that nudge and little voice that you know is straight from Jesus Himself:
----2 Timothy 1:7----
"For God does not give us a spirit of fear and anxiety, but of power, love and sound mind."
Friend, I know it is not easy to just turn off your fear and anxiety, but I can assure you that we serve a God who is so big, He can carry, handle and manage every negative, horrific, emotional thought you have. It is not always easy, but when you rest in Him, the burden does get lighter.
I can't promise you that you won't feel fear ever again, or that an anxious thought won't try to reside in your mind, but I do promise you that if you surrender it to Jesus, He will help you along your way and give you peace in all of it.
And that's where I find myself tonight, not just reminding you, but reminding me, that God has got this. He knows my beginning and where I've come from and He knows my end and where I'm going. I can't control the future, but I can trust that I'm not alone in any of it.
Hang in there, He's got you too.
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